Cricket Jokes and Jibes
Sad as it may be the scandals affecting our sport connected to the world of betting have added richly to the lexicon of jokes available over the years. And, as with many such cases when it comes to humor, the fact that they deal with a delicate subject makes them funnier.
Here’s one to get you in the mood; The Pakistani team have issued a statement expressing their shock at the alleged involvement of three Pakistani players in match-fixing. They’ve promised to clean up their act before the 2-1 series defeat to the West Indies next summer.
Or how about the Pakistani international cricketer who refused to take a bribe? And his name? Why itâ€™s â€œAsifâ€ of course!
OK, weâ€™ll go easy on Pakistan now as all that scandal is well and truly behind them and itâ€™s not as if betting on cricket canâ€™t liven up the otherwise dullest of test matches now is it? You can bet on just about anything these days â€“ and with Betfair cricket becomes more exciting â€“ particularly for the real aficionados of the game who understand its subtleties. Thatâ€™s because Betfair is an exchange so you can accept bets as well as make them â€“ acting as the bookmaker as it were. In these cases, someone who really deeply understands the swings of fortune that can occur in a test match can back and lay with Betfair, gradually building their stake up regardless of the outcome if theyâ€™re shrewd enough.
And if bribery really is rife within cricket â€“ then spare a thought for the poor England Twenty20 team Captain Stuart Broad who said after the teamâ€™s poor showing in Bangladesh; â€œI just donâ€™t get it, it was an important game for us so I bribed the umpire, but we still lost!â€
â€œItâ€™s awful isn’t itâ€ said Pakistanâ€™s Twenty20 captain Mohammad Hafeez, â€œit’s getting so bad that you just donâ€™t know who you can trust these days!â€
And finally, while weâ€™re on the subject of unpredictable matches; I’ve been teaching a few hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo’s not bad at catching, but he can’t really Frodoâ€¦.groan!
Clown Is in Town
Clown Is in Town
Clowns are comical performers, stereotypically characterized by their grotesque appearances: colored wigs, stylistic makeup, outlandish costumes, unusually large footwear, red-nose, etc., who entertain spectators by acting in a hilarious fashion. The types of their acts varies greatly. Although some find clowns to be scary, their intended purpose is to entertain people, especially young children. Peter Berger writes that “It seems plausible that folly and fools, like religion and magic, meet some deeply rooted needs in human society.” For this reason, clowning is often considered an important part of training as a physical performance discipline, partly because tricky subject matter can be dealt with, but also because it requires a high level of risk and play in the performer.
Clowning was developed from a broad tradition of historical performances, and it is difficult to point out a singular tradition or even a few different ones as being the primary precursors to clowns. However there are a few past prominent forms of entertainment contemporarily linked to clowning as its possible antecedents.
Examples of historical, “clown-like” comedic performers have been the pantomimus in ancient Greece, the Lazzi of Commedia dell’Arte, bouffons, court jesters, as well as the French mime tradition. On top of this there are many non-European clowning traditions (including clown-like figures in Japanese Kabuki theatre) to consider which may or may not have influenced what we now think of as a clown.
A whiteface character does not always wear the classic whiteface makeup. Additionally, a character can wear traditional whiteface makeup and be an auguste.
Classic appearance. Traditionally, the whiteface clown uses “clown white” makeup to cover his or her entire face and neck with none of the underlying flesh color showing. In the European whiteface makeup, the ears are painted red. Features, in red and black, are delicate. He or she is traditionally costumed far more extravagantly than the other two clown types, sometimes wearing the ruffled collar and pointed hat which typify the stereotypical “clown suit”.
Different Between Rich and Poor
Different Between Rich and Poor
Rich man carries pretty woman with his awesome motorbike!
Poor man carries pity goat with his awful bike!
Transport or transportation is the movement of people and goods from one location to another. Modes of transport include air, rail, road, water, cable, pipeline, and space. The field can be divided into infrastructure, vehicles, and operations.
Transport infrastructure consists of the fixed installations necessary for transport, and may be roads, railways, airways, waterways, canals and pipelines, and terminals such as airports, railway stations, bus stations, warehouses, trucking terminals, refueling depots (including fueling docks and fuel stations), and seaports. Terminals may be used both for interchange of passengers and cargo and for maintenance.
Vehicles traveling on these networks may include automobiles, bicycles, buses, trains, trucks, people, helicopters, and aircraft. Operations deal with the way the vehicles are operated, and the procedures set for this purpose including financing, legalities and policies. In the transport industry, operations and ownership of infrastructure can be either public or private, depending on the country and mode.
Passenger transport may be public, where operators provide scheduled services, or private. Freight transport has become focused on containerization, although bulk transport is used for large volumes of durable items. Transport plays an important part in economic growth and globalization, but most types cause air pollution and use large amounts of land. While it is heavily subsidized by governments, good planning of transport is essential to make traffic flow, and restrain urban sprawl.
Bring out the baby in you
Bring out the baby in you
These new set of t-shirts are a part of an ad campaign by Evian. These t-shirts have gained humongous success and have left an impact on people. The ads have been shot by renowned photographer Nathanial Goldberg. The significance of the campaign is to encourage people to bring out the child within themselves.
The t-shirts are designed to look like a baby version of yourself with the body of a baby drawn out from the neck down, giving it a laughable portrait of your grown up self as a baby. The t-shirts have been printed in a wide range to cover people of all skins. The ad has been shot using fair skinned and dark skinned people to promote harmony among all cultures and races. The ad really bring out the message to unleash the child within you and to take have fun like you used to in your childhood.
The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
Rappers love their jewelry. Some rappers don’t even have their own homes but as long as the ice is right, it’s all gravy like Fat Joe’s dinner table. I’ve seen some cool rapper chains…but I’ve also seen a lot of terrible ones. More often than not rappers seem to buy chains for reaction rather than thinking “is this something I’ll actually wear a week from now?” Here are the 10 most ridiculous rapper chains.
10. YUNG BERG
Berg’s chain wasn’t the worst looking one around, but I just don’t understand why this guy hasÂ a Transformers symbol around his neck? Was he in the movie? I used to like to watch The Flintstones but I also have a grip on reality and don’t need an iced out Barney. If you love a certain cartoon tell people on Facebook…not your neck.
9. YUNG JOC
Yung Joc’s chain says “Hustlenomics.” It could also seriously injure a baby. The worst thing about this chain is just how big and terrible it looks…kinda just like a hunk of metal hanging off his neck. The person wearing it doesn’t help the situation either. The “H” is for horrible.
8. GUCCI MANE
Cowabullshit. Why would a grown ass man want this chain? Isn’t your chain supposed to impress women? Imagine screwin’ a chick with Bart Simpson hangin’ on her titties? Yeah sure Bart’s happy but you look like a tool.
7. GHOSTFACE KILLAH
Yes Ghostface used to wear a dinner plate around his neck…he also used to wear a gigantic eagle on his arm. And while the plate does look ridiculous, it also opened the door for everyone to rock chains. Hit your mom’s china cabinet, get some rope and your in business. Even little Ghostface rocked it:
6. VERBAL FROM THE TERIYAKI BOYZ
“Ya colors too bright.” Not too sure what to say about this one. It looks like someone shitted out coloured diamonds and this is what happened. It’s not that surprising since the guy is wearing 3-D glasses. I’d need to be in a drug induced coma to wear this.
5. RICK ROSS
Unless you ARE Jesus Christ, don’t do this. The worst part is that some people probably mistake it for Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince wearing sunglasses. The question remains: Are those sunglasses iced out Ricky is rockin’ real or fake?
4. BUSTA RHYMES
If you are gonna drop serious dollars on a chain, make sure it doesn’t look like it was a 2 for 1 special at the flea market. This shit is just ugly. The “Map Of New York City” portion on top looks like it would break off mad easy and the colours give New York City a sort of Fruity Pebbles vibe. I hope Busta kept the receipt.
* NOTE – T-Pain started off as a rapper and still raps. He counts.
According to T-Pain on Twitter, this chain cost him $410,000. I’m pretty sure there are kids in Ethiopia right now playing darts with a picture of Teddy P. I get the joke. It’s a big ass chain and it says “Big Ass Chain.” Hilarious. You know what else is funny? How dumb it looks.
2. SEAN KINGSTON
There are so many things to dislike about Sean Kingston that it makes it challenging to just focus on the chain. That being said, I’m gonna do my best. First of all why? Does anyone look at this and go “yo Sean that is dope man.” He’s lucky those crayons don’t come out the box ’cause if he wore this around me I’d go straight colouring book status on his eyes.
1. SKOOL BOY
I don’t know who Skool Boy is but I do know he has the most ridiculous chain I’ve ever seen. Look, I love chicken wings but you don’t see me with an iced out 10 piece around my neck do you? I’d imagine even the person he bought this from looked at him like “n*gga is you crazy?” It has gotta be rough when your chain has more buzz than you.
The 25 Most Bizarre Travel Insurance Claims Ever
The 25 Most Bizarre Travel Insurance Claims Ever
What links a tourist who lost 84 kilograms of Bombay mix on holiday with another who had his camera stolen by a monkey? Both are among the more unusual claims received by travel insurance companies. Times Money has trawled through the files of some of the UKâ€™s biggest insurers to bring you the 25 most bizarre travel insurance claims ever. Here they are…
1. One thing you donâ€™t expect when you go on holiday is to be harassed by a monkey. One British traveller in Gibraltar, however, was so besieged by the attentions of an over-friendly primate that he asked his insurer to refund the cost of his trip. The insurer refused but did pay out for his camera, which the monkey had run off with one evening.
2. Monkeys also blighted the romantic getaway of a couple in Malaysia, who foolishly left the window to their chalet open during the day. They returned to find their underwear, clothing and belongings strewn across the resort and neighbouring rainforest. Luckily for the clothes-less couple, their insurer paid the claim.
3. One unlucky pensioner managed to lose his false teeth after throwing up over the side of a cruise ship on the choppy seas of the Bay of Biscay. Thankfully for the squeamish septuagenarian, his misplaced dentures were covered in his travel insurance policy under lost baggage, so his claim was paid.
4. Another unfortunate pensioner had to make an even more embarrassing travel claim after a stroll on the deck of a cruise ship went disastrously wrong. The poor gentlemen was chatting with friends when a strong gust of wind lifted his toupee off his head and blew it into the sea. He never got over the shame but at least his travel policy reimbursed the cost of his hairpiece.
5. It is all too easy to lose your sunglasses, or even your passport, on holiday. Less easy, you might think, to misplace 34 large bags of Bombay mix. Yet one holidaymaker claimed he had lost Â£300-worth of the spicy snack while in Europe. At roughly 89p for a 250g bag, the misplaced mix would have weighed a hefty 84 kilograms. Needless to say, his insurance company turned him down.
6. It is a good idea to keep your wallet secure at all times when you are away, as one careless Briton discovered to his cost in Israel. The holidaymaker accidentally dropped his wallet down a drain in Natanya. However, his claim wasnâ€™t for his lost credit cards or cash. It was for hospital treatment after being stung by a poisonous scorpion while reaching down into the drain to get his possessions back. Thankfully, his travel insurance covered the cost of treatment.
7. A holidaymaker in Spain lost his camera after setting it down beside him on a park bench. The strap, hanging tantalisingly down over the edge of the seat, caught the attention of a passing dog, which grabbed it and ran off with the camera. His insurer paid for a new camera under accidental damage.
8. One family camping in a remote field in Wales had their peace disturbed when a parachutist from a nearby airbase missed his target and scored a direct hit, landing on their tent and destroying their camping equipment. Sadly, the family werenâ€™t covered for accidental damage so their insurer didnâ€™t reimburse them.
9. Itâ€™s every parentâ€™s nightmare. Your children are playing on the beach and they think it would be fun to bury your camcorder worth Â£600. Thankfully, when this happened to a family in Cornwall, their insurer saw the funny side and refunded the cost.
10. Police in a holiday resort in France were on the lookout for a wrinkle-free burglar after a woman who had her cosmetics bag stolen from her hotel room admitted that she had transferred medical-strength haemorrhoid cream into an empty tub of moisturiser earlier in the holiday. Her claim for make-up, lotions and perfume was paid.
11. A holidaymaker who was refused entry to a plane at Manchester Airport had his travel-insurance claim for holiday cancellation declined after it emerged that he had actually booked a flight from Manchester, New Hampshire, USA.
12. Mis-reading your flight details is easy to do, usually necessitating a frantic rush to the departure gate. But one family that turned up late for their flight had no such panic. Their plane had departed the previous month. They were denied compensation from their travel insurer.
13. A holidaymaker who arrived in a ski resort only to find that there was not enough snow, claimed for the cost of the brand new skis she had bought before leaving the UK. Unsurprisingly, the insurer rejected her claim.
14. A man walking along the street in Greece became so transfixed by two bikini-clad girls that he walked straight into a glass-panelled bus shelter and broke his nose. He successfully claimed on his travel insurance for his hospital bills.
15. The fairytale wedding day for a British couple on a West Indian beach went up in smoke after the brideâ€™s dress caught fire from a brick of coal that fell from the BBQ. The quick-thinking groom picked up his now blazing bride, ran along the beach and tossed her into the ocean. They were able to claim on their travel insurance policy for the ruined wedding outfits as they had taken out wedding cover before jetting off.
16. Another couple stayed in a Parisian hotel room infested with fleas. After two days of itching and scratching, the pair cut their trip short and returned home, where they hastily burnt all their clothes on a bonfire. However, their claims for replacement wardrobe were rejected.
17. A traveller who lost his bag on holiday claimed only for its contents: a bottle of water, a newspaper and a packet of mints. With an excess on his insurance policy of Â£50, his claim was rejected.
18. When youâ€™re holidaying in the Black Forest, itâ€™s not thieves that you need to watch out for. One family left the door to their chalet open and came home to find that their wallets and passports had been eaten by a greedy goat, who had also chomped through some sandwiches that had been sitting on the kitchen table. The familyâ€™s claim for cost of new passports and wallets was rejected.
19. Sometimes Dads donâ€™t always know best. A resourceful father whisked his teenage daughter to a local hairdresser, after she frazzled her hair on the oven in their holiday apartment in Spain. The result was hardly the work of Mr Toni and Mr Guy, leaving the girl running in tears from the salon. The dad tried, but failed, to claim the cost of the disastrous haircut from his insurance policy.
20. A chilled-out traveller in Sri Lanka needed Â£400 worth of hospital treatment after a large, ripe coconut fell from a tree and landed squarely on her head while she was peacefully reading below. She was knocked out cold, which is hardly surprising. Fresh coconuts weigh roughly 2 kilograms, and the trees grow up to 30 metres tall. The coconut would have been falling at 53 miles per hour when it hit the poor woman on the skull. Her insurer covered her medical expenses.
21. Meanwhile Direct Line received a claim for two lost coconuts from a couple who returned home from a holiday in Mauritius. As a coconut costs just 69p (from your local Tesco), the claim was rejected. The coupleâ€™s excess on their policy meant they would have paid for the first Â£50 of the cost of any claim.
22. A customer submitted a claim for a â€œguitar made out of a pumpkinâ€. The slightly baffled staff at Direct Line were forced to reject the claim.
23. The clue was in neon lights above the door. A young party animal in Greece got badly burnt when she tried to order a cocktail in local hangout called â€œFire Barâ€. Ignoring the loud warning buzzer, and the disappearance of her fellow drinkers, she stood firmly at the bar waiting to be served when it suddenly became engulfed in flames. She received third degree burns to her hands, and successfully claimed Â£300 worth of medical expenses.
24. A British backpacker was chased down the street by an angry bull in Kerala, Southern India. It wasnâ€™t clear from his claim whether he provoked the animal, but he did require Â£2,800 worth of hospital treatment after the attack, which was reimbursed by his travel insurer.
25. Finally, according to one long-serving insurance underwriter, there have been more Rolex Oyster watches, worth upwards of Â£1,000, recorded as lost in the Costa Del Sol in the Spain than have ever been manufactured.