Idiots Youâ€™ll Meet on the Internets
If you fall into one of these Internet stereotypes, kindly choke on your caps lock key.
The IMDB message board name-dropper Sites affected: IMDB. Also popular on other movie and music sites. We love IMDB for its ridiculously thorough catalog of TV and movie knowledge, but stepping into their forums is like walking into a video store with a million pretentious and insecure clerks behind the counter that cast judgments on your taste in movies. But by far the worst part is the throng of unconnected schlubs who do nothing but mention how they donâ€™t agree with some of the choices Marty made in The Departed, or how they can appreciate how Quentin and Robert must feel about the general public not understanding the three-hour inside joke they called Grindhouse.
The people who post â€œFIRST!!1!â€ in every comment thread Sites affected: Perezhilton.com, Break.com, just about any site with comments. Making a post like this is basically like coming right out and saying, â€œI have nothing better to do than sit at my computer and wait for someone to update this blog.â€ Whatâ€™s worse is when a bunch of people get in on the act and the first 10 comments on each post are the same useless word. In fact, if this article gets posted anywhere with comments (we donâ€™t have them for a reason) some smart guy will try to pull this. You can be sure that that person has never seen the bathing suit area of the opposite sex.
The guy that gives something everyone loves a one-star review Sites affected: Amazon.com, any site where grumpy users are allowed to write reviews. A world where everyone completely agreed on every subject would be boring, but it might be slightly better than our current world in which contrarian blowhards canâ€™t resist the call of the one-star review button. Check out this example on Amazon.com. Irate user, Jabber, is mad because the characters on South Park are badly drawn. Is it a valid point to be made? Maybe. Is it reason enough to go on a public forum and rant like a maniac? Probably not.
PeOplE ThaT Typ3 lIKE ThIS Sites affected: Craigslist.com, eBay.com, any site where 13-year-olds are allowed to type. We can understand ignoring some grammar, punctuation and capitalization for the sake of laziness, but typing like that travesty of a headline actually takes longer than just typing normally. Just think about how much you have to use your frigginâ€™ pinky. Plus, you have to factor in all the time it takes thinking, â€œShould it be â€˜InSANe CloWN PoSsEâ€™ or â€˜INsanE ClOWn PoSsEâ€™?â€ Add in these knuckleheadsâ€™ tendencies to end everything with a Z and use words like â€œwutâ€ and â€œdatâ€ and you have the perfect method for making people think that youâ€™re a total asshole with nothing of any value to say. Unless youâ€™re on the My Chemical Romance forum, in which case youâ€™re golden.
Facebook poker Sites affected: Facebook.com You donâ€™t call people on the phone if you have nothing to say to them. You donâ€™t send your friends e-mails that are completely blank. So why would you poke someone using Facebook? It makes so much more sense to just send a message or, better yet, donâ€™t do anything. If poking was a real-life conversation, this is how it would go: Some jack-off: Hey, Iâ€™m looking at Facebook. Us: Oh. Cool, I guess. Some jack-off: Yep. Us: Did you have anything to tell us, orâ€¦ Some jack-off: Nope, just poking you. Us: Fuck this, weâ€™re going to lurk professional sports cheerleaders that are well above the legal age of consent (letâ€™s see you take issue with that, lawyers) on MySpace.
The guy that posts, â€œThis is oldâ€ or â€œNot newsâ€ Sites affected: Tech blogs, Digg.com, Fark.com When you work in a field as timely as technology reporting, getting scooped is a bad feeling. Whatâ€™s worse is the feeling of getting called out for being late on something by a guy who has nothing better to do than get fatter and check japanesecellphonesnoonehaseverheardof.com 200 times a day. If youâ€™re so up on your shit, why not start a news site and get in on some of that sweet Google AdSense money? Because you have too much integrity? Probably not. Because youâ€™re too busy getting fatter and watching Battlestar Galactica? That sounds more like it.
The MySpace comment beggar Sites affected: MySpace Believe it or not, almost no one is as excited about the picture you took of yourself in the bathroom mirrorâ€”holding your arms above your head so you look a lot thinner, of courseâ€”as you are. Sending a bulletin begging for people to comment on it is just going to make them even less pumped. If youâ€™re dissatisfied with the amount of love that your MySpace page gets, youâ€™re either a person whose friends prefer traditional methods of communication or a completely insecure douche with lots of huge, sparkly word GIFs all over your page.
Useless forwarder of urban legends and chain letters Sites affected: E-mail, MySpace, Facebook We can deal with the endless amounts of penis enlargement and bank notification spam we get every day, but getting a useless and often completely ludicrous message from someone we were nice enough to trust with our e-mail address is a betrayal of the most heinous variety. No, Mars is not going to appear as big as the moon in the sky tonight. No, my crushâ€™s name will not appear if I send this message to 10 people. No, I donâ€™t want your inbox-clogging bullshit making us just that much dumber.
Grammar sticklers Sites affected: Every site with words. Weâ€™ve already expressed our distaste for purposely nonsensical typing practices, but you can be sure that youâ€™ll never find us going online to criticize people about dangling a participle every now and again. We barely expect the average Internet commenter or message board poster to be able to finish Green Eggs and Ham, let alone know the difference between further and farther.
Cricket Jokes and Jibes
Sad as it may be the scandals affecting our sport connected to the world of betting have added richly to the lexicon of jokes available over the years. And, as with many such cases when it comes to humor, the fact that they deal with a delicate subject makes them funnier.
Here’s one to get you in the mood; The Pakistani team have issued a statement expressing their shock at the alleged involvement of three Pakistani players in match-fixing. They’ve promised to clean up their act before the 2-1 series defeat to the West Indies next summer.
Or how about the Pakistani international cricketer who refused to take a bribe? And his name? Why itâ€™s â€œAsifâ€ of course!
OK, weâ€™ll go easy on Pakistan now as all that scandal is well and truly behind them and itâ€™s not as if betting on cricket canâ€™t liven up the otherwise dullest of test matches now is it? You can bet on just about anything these days â€“ and with Betfair cricket becomes more exciting â€“ particularly for the real aficionados of the game who understand its subtleties. Thatâ€™s because Betfair is an exchange so you can accept bets as well as make them â€“ acting as the bookmaker as it were. In these cases, someone who really deeply understands the swings of fortune that can occur in a test match can back and lay with Betfair, gradually building their stake up regardless of the outcome if theyâ€™re shrewd enough.
And if bribery really is rife within cricket â€“ then spare a thought for the poor England Twenty20 team Captain Stuart Broad who said after the teamâ€™s poor showing in Bangladesh; â€œI just donâ€™t get it, it was an important game for us so I bribed the umpire, but we still lost!â€
â€œItâ€™s awful isn’t itâ€ said Pakistanâ€™s Twenty20 captain Mohammad Hafeez, â€œit’s getting so bad that you just donâ€™t know who you can trust these days!â€
And finally, while weâ€™re on the subject of unpredictable matches; I’ve been teaching a few hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo’s not bad at catching, but he can’t really Frodoâ€¦.groan!
Clown Is in Town
Clown Is in Town
Clowns are comical performers, stereotypically characterized by their grotesque appearances: colored wigs, stylistic makeup, outlandish costumes, unusually large footwear, red-nose, etc., who entertain spectators by acting in a hilarious fashion. The types of their acts varies greatly. Although some find clowns to be scary, their intended purpose is to entertain people, especially young children. Peter Berger writes that “It seems plausible that folly and fools, like religion and magic, meet some deeply rooted needs in human society.” For this reason, clowning is often considered an important part of training as a physical performance discipline, partly because tricky subject matter can be dealt with, but also because it requires a high level of risk and play in the performer.
Clowning was developed from a broad tradition of historical performances, and it is difficult to point out a singular tradition or even a few different ones as being the primary precursors to clowns. However there are a few past prominent forms of entertainment contemporarily linked to clowning as its possible antecedents.
Examples of historical, “clown-like” comedic performers have been the pantomimus in ancient Greece, the Lazzi of Commedia dell’Arte, bouffons, court jesters, as well as the French mime tradition. On top of this there are many non-European clowning traditions (including clown-like figures in Japanese Kabuki theatre) to consider which may or may not have influenced what we now think of as a clown.
A whiteface character does not always wear the classic whiteface makeup. Additionally, a character can wear traditional whiteface makeup and be an auguste.
Classic appearance. Traditionally, the whiteface clown uses “clown white” makeup to cover his or her entire face and neck with none of the underlying flesh color showing. In the European whiteface makeup, the ears are painted red. Features, in red and black, are delicate. He or she is traditionally costumed far more extravagantly than the other two clown types, sometimes wearing the ruffled collar and pointed hat which typify the stereotypical “clown suit”.
Different Between Rich and Poor
Different Between Rich and Poor
Rich man carries pretty woman with his awesome motorbike!
Poor man carries pity goat with his awful bike!
Transport or transportation is the movement of people and goods from one location to another. Modes of transport include air, rail, road, water, cable, pipeline, and space. The field can be divided into infrastructure, vehicles, and operations.
Transport infrastructure consists of the fixed installations necessary for transport, and may be roads, railways, airways, waterways, canals and pipelines, and terminals such as airports, railway stations, bus stations, warehouses, trucking terminals, refueling depots (including fueling docks and fuel stations), and seaports. Terminals may be used both for interchange of passengers and cargo and for maintenance.
Vehicles traveling on these networks may include automobiles, bicycles, buses, trains, trucks, people, helicopters, and aircraft. Operations deal with the way the vehicles are operated, and the procedures set for this purpose including financing, legalities and policies. In the transport industry, operations and ownership of infrastructure can be either public or private, depending on the country and mode.
Passenger transport may be public, where operators provide scheduled services, or private. Freight transport has become focused on containerization, although bulk transport is used for large volumes of durable items. Transport plays an important part in economic growth and globalization, but most types cause air pollution and use large amounts of land. While it is heavily subsidized by governments, good planning of transport is essential to make traffic flow, and restrain urban sprawl.
Bring out the baby in you
Bring out the baby in you
These new set of t-shirts are a part of an ad campaign by Evian. These t-shirts have gained humongous success and have left an impact on people. The ads have been shot by renowned photographer Nathanial Goldberg. The significance of the campaign is to encourage people to bring out the child within themselves.
The t-shirts are designed to look like a baby version of yourself with the body of a baby drawn out from the neck down, giving it a laughable portrait of your grown up self as a baby. The t-shirts have been printed in a wide range to cover people of all skins. The ad has been shot using fair skinned and dark skinned people to promote harmony among all cultures and races. The ad really bring out the message to unleash the child within you and to take have fun like you used to in your childhood.
The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
The 10 Most Ridiculous Rapper Chains
Rappers love their jewelry. Some rappers don’t even have their own homes but as long as the ice is right, it’s all gravy like Fat Joe’s dinner table. I’ve seen some cool rapper chains…but I’ve also seen a lot of terrible ones. More often than not rappers seem to buy chains for reaction rather than thinking “is this something I’ll actually wear a week from now?” Here are the 10 most ridiculous rapper chains.
10. YUNG BERG
Berg’s chain wasn’t the worst looking one around, but I just don’t understand why this guy hasÂ a Transformers symbol around his neck? Was he in the movie? I used to like to watch The Flintstones but I also have a grip on reality and don’t need an iced out Barney. If you love a certain cartoon tell people on Facebook…not your neck.
9. YUNG JOC
Yung Joc’s chain says “Hustlenomics.” It could also seriously injure a baby. The worst thing about this chain is just how big and terrible it looks…kinda just like a hunk of metal hanging off his neck. The person wearing it doesn’t help the situation either. The “H” is for horrible.
8. GUCCI MANE
Cowabullshit. Why would a grown ass man want this chain? Isn’t your chain supposed to impress women? Imagine screwin’ a chick with Bart Simpson hangin’ on her titties? Yeah sure Bart’s happy but you look like a tool.
7. GHOSTFACE KILLAH
Yes Ghostface used to wear a dinner plate around his neck…he also used to wear a gigantic eagle on his arm. And while the plate does look ridiculous, it also opened the door for everyone to rock chains. Hit your mom’s china cabinet, get some rope and your in business. Even little Ghostface rocked it:
6. VERBAL FROM THE TERIYAKI BOYZ
“Ya colors too bright.” Not too sure what to say about this one. It looks like someone shitted out coloured diamonds and this is what happened. It’s not that surprising since the guy is wearing 3-D glasses. I’d need to be in a drug induced coma to wear this.
5. RICK ROSS
Unless you ARE Jesus Christ, don’t do this. The worst part is that some people probably mistake it for Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince wearing sunglasses. The question remains: Are those sunglasses iced out Ricky is rockin’ real or fake?
4. BUSTA RHYMES
If you are gonna drop serious dollars on a chain, make sure it doesn’t look like it was a 2 for 1 special at the flea market. This shit is just ugly. The “Map Of New York City” portion on top looks like it would break off mad easy and the colours give New York City a sort of Fruity Pebbles vibe. I hope Busta kept the receipt.
* NOTE – T-Pain started off as a rapper and still raps. He counts.
According to T-Pain on Twitter, this chain cost him $410,000. I’m pretty sure there are kids in Ethiopia right now playing darts with a picture of Teddy P. I get the joke. It’s a big ass chain and it says “Big Ass Chain.” Hilarious. You know what else is funny? How dumb it looks.
2. SEAN KINGSTON
There are so many things to dislike about Sean Kingston that it makes it challenging to just focus on the chain. That being said, I’m gonna do my best. First of all why? Does anyone look at this and go “yo Sean that is dope man.” He’s lucky those crayons don’t come out the box ’cause if he wore this around me I’d go straight colouring book status on his eyes.
1. SKOOL BOY
I don’t know who Skool Boy is but I do know he has the most ridiculous chain I’ve ever seen. Look, I love chicken wings but you don’t see me with an iced out 10 piece around my neck do you? I’d imagine even the person he bought this from looked at him like “n*gga is you crazy?” It has gotta be rough when your chain has more buzz than you.